Hi! Welcome to SJ’s very first blog post<3

I’m not entirely sure where to start and as I sit here, I can feel the nerves and anxiety flooding in. I pride myself in my vulnerability and if you have been following my journey for a little while now, you know how open and transparent I am about my personal life challenges and struggles. Life is a wild ride and even for someone who shares her story so openly, I still find myself hesitating and constricting at the thought of being more vulnerable.

However, what I have discovered through the art of vulnerability and storytelling is that, it is one of the most liberating feelings. To be able to share my story in a way that brings connection, empowerment and relatability, is something that is so very special and close to my heart.

The truth is, I have been thinking about writing this post for a few months now but I could never get myself to do it. There are many emotions behind this part of my story but it finally felt like it was time.

Time to put an end to an identity I’ve been carrying for nearly 36 years.

An identity that no longer serves me or has a place in my life anymore.

My healing journey began in the summer of 2018 when I suffered from severe depression and anxiety due to the diagnosis of my visual impairment and loss of my drivers license.

This is when I took a deep dive and entered the world of alternative treatment. Western medicine had already told me that there was nothing else they could do for me. For the longest time, I surrendered to this and gave up. But, somewhere deep down inside, my soul knew this wasn’t the end for me. There was a lifetime of healing ahead and I was going to fight this battle, the natural way.

What started off as me seeking support from a naturopathic doctor, quickly turned into an adventure that led me to Ayurvedic medicine. Ultimately, leading me to go to India to a renowned facility who specialize in eye conditions; Sreedhareeyam Ayurvedic Eye Hospital.

This is where I began my journey to holistic health. And I have never looked back.

I had no idea what to expect but the transformation and healing that has transpired in these 5 years is something I can never fully articulate or put into words. It is a felt experience, one of a lifetime.

I went into this journey looking to improve my vision and re-gain my sight, but what I didn’t know was that I was about to uncover a lifetime of deep-rooted wounds and extensive trauma.

This too quickly turned into a space of self-discovery and a deepened connection with myself.

My vision loss journey led me down a very dark path, a path that I saw no end and after years of allowing my vision to define me, I truly thought my life was over and that I was never going to amount to anything.

Now, the thing is though, it wasn’t the vision loss that made me feel this way, I had struggled with this my entire life.

Not feeling good enough, consumed by the insecurities and low self-esteem and not accepting myself for who I am, rather what others wanted me to be.

The world can be a cruel place.

I was in a career that I had outgrown many years prior and had been feeling a lack of fulfilment in my every day. I knew I had to make changes because the life (both personal & professional) I was living was no longer serving me, instead, depleting me of my time and energy. 

I had this debilitating inner critic, a dialogue that held me down, conversations with myself that were riddled by anxiety, self-doubt, fear of the unknown and never thinking I could accomplish “success” in my life.

The thing about my previous career is that there was a hierarchy, spoken and unspoken but it was definitely present. I myself had put certain types of professions and careers on a pedestal, a lot has to do with what society deems as successful but culturally this is a major issue as well.

I always felt like my position was “just” a (fill in the blank) and other roles were more valuable.

What I didn’t know at the time, was that the progression of my vision loss was going to be the reason that I could no longer work in the career I was in.

In hindsight, this has been one of the biggest blessings yet!

2019- While I was in India receiving treatment, I plugged myself into every self help podcast I could, pouring my heart out and writing endless pages of journaling and read Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts Of Imperfection”- This entire experience was life changing. A spiritual awakening really!

After feeling so lost and confused, for the very first time, I found meaning and purpose in my life. I found my voice, learned to have self-compassion, and leaned into my authenticity and vulnerability, wholeheartedly. 

Fast forward to 2022- I am in my final year of my counselling program and all of a sudden, I became flooded all over again with insecurities, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, low self-esteem, fear of the future and on and on and on. It was debilitating to say the least.

The truth about this- I never expected this in the least bit. I was so obsessed and enjoyed every second of my education and training. It was the most immersive, experiential experience I had ever been a part of. For the very first time in my life, I was pursuing my passions and purpose.

While I have been knee deep in healing for the last 17 months (5 years in total), what I discovered was that the trauma I experienced as a result of my vision loss, still had a very strong hold on me.

Sleepless nights, panic attacks, bouts of depression, riddled by anxiety and fear of the future.

It all felt so familiar, the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, the sensations in my body, it was as if I had put myself into a time capsule and went back 5 years.

(These first 6 months of 2023 have been rough, my heart still feels tender from the experience I went through. However, I am looking forward to a new beginning:) )

I was setting out on this new career, one that I was deeply passionate about and so in love with, yet I couldn’t believe it was happening.

Me?

Sara?

The woman who believed her whole life that she wouldn’t amount to anything and here she is, in present moment, amounting to a lifetime and more of successes and accomplishments?

No way- this can’t be true!

The narrative, the story that I created in my head was that I was defined by my diagnosis and that I would never amount to anything because of it.

Trauma will do that to you. Our brains begin to create these disempowering stories when we are faced with life altering experiences and the more we think about it, the more we create that to be our reality.

This was my inner dialogue for 6 years straight, day in day out, the same story was repeating within itself and inevitably was being stored in my body.

Not anymore.

This is The Last Time.

As I get ready to close out chapter 35 and gear up to take my 36th trip around the sun,

I am choosing different.

Today, I am taking back my power and re-claiming my truth.

I am detaching from this story and re-writing a new one.

While my diagnosis was one of the darkest times of my life, it was also the catalyst for the growth and transformation that has taken place over the course of nearly 11 years.

I wouldn’t trade this journey for the world and would do it a million times over.

We can’t see it in the moment, but the challenges we are faced with in our life, they come to us for a reason.

The beautiful thing about healing is uncovering the “why” beneath it all.

My diagnosis was my biggest blessing and greatest teacher<3

I am so grateful for my holistic health practitioners who have been my impeccable support system as I navigated one of the darkest knights of my soul, secondary to my vision loss diagnosis.

I have come so far in this journey and it feels good to finally be at a place where I can put the vision loss behind me and carry it as a reminder of my strength and resilience.

It is such an humbling experience that I get to share a piece of my story with the world all while supporting you on your own personal life journey.

Becoming a therapist has been one of the greatest gifts I could have ever asked for. I am always in such awe as I get to walk alongside my clients and witness their own strength and resilience as they navigate the unexpected circumstances of life.

Remember, your past does not define you, your future is not yet here, all you have is the present moment.

With love & gratitude,

Sara Jaswal

“We get to heal and thrive at the same time”-SJ