Continued…

I was in gratitude for all the incredible, wonderful things that I have in my life;  a roof over my head, food to eat, warmth, money, water, education, family, friends, self-awareness, emotional intelligence, a heartbeat, my breath, a valid drivers license, my health and the list just kept going on and on and in that moment I realized that none of the external shit that we spend our entire lives chasing, it means absolutely NOTHING.

We have been so constrained and tied down to societal norms and standards and the deep fuckin programming that is instilled in us from such a young age that we’re constantly chasing the next best thing and we look for instant gratification. When we don’t get it, our entire worlds fall apart.

Social Conditioning Looks a Little Something Like This: (Acknowledging that some of this is cultural and may not apply to everyone)

Adolescents: You’re too young. Focus on school. Not really allowed to go out and have fun. Have strict curfews.

Adult Years: Go to University. Get a degree. Become a doctor or lawyer. A high-status job that pays good.

Early Twenties: Still not allowed to go out much. Still having very strict curfews. Pressure to get married is INSANE.

THEN…

Now you’re married. Then the pressure is to have kids. Once you have kids you still can’t live your own life because now your responsibility is to work hard, save your money and take care of your children. Wait until you retire to live your life.

Like does this make sense to anyone. How has this been the “norm”?

This is NOT what life is meant to be.

At what point in all of that, do we get to live for us? For ourselves?

When is it our time to shine, to find our own unique truths and pave our own way?

We aren’t designed to live this step-by-step cookie cutter lifestyle.

Absolutely not yet here we are, caught up in the rat race of it all and deemed a certain way if we choose to carve our own path in life (by society and others).

This has been my conditioning for most of my life (I too have put this pressure on myself along with external factors). Who else can relate!?

The last 2 years have been the darkest nights of my soul.

X- I am not as successful as I’d like to be in my career.

X- I don’t have the number that I desire in my bank account.

X- I have yet to see myself on MY wedding day and have children of my own.

Yes, these things are important but there all external things outside of who we are on the inside and what truly matters.

The question that came through so loud and clear for me through this Epiphany was:

What is Life?

What does it actually mean to be alive?

Isn’t waking up alive and being blessed with another breath more than what we can ever ask for?

Why do we get so caught up in the external validation?

I have been chasing one thing after the next and I have run myself into the ground. Literally and metaphorically speaking.

For what?

Do all 3 of those external circumstances define who I am?

Am I any less of a human being because I don’t have those in my life?

I will be the first to admit and be fully transparent with you. The answer to those questions is YES- My entire life I have put my worth and acceptance in achieving great success.

However the heck does one even define success?

What and Who is a successful person?

I have the most beautiful abundant life, more than I could ever ask for yet I still find myself yearning for more, allowing something outside of me to define me.

Something else that I find myself struggling with often is this feeling of being alone and isolated even though I know that’s not true. I have the most incredible support system that a girl could ask for.

I have friends who pick me up when I’m down and also celebrate me when I’m standing strong. I have family (immediate and extended) that would move heaven on earth for me and continuously love and support me unconditionally.

I have amazing siblings who always put me first and will drop their own obligations to make sure that I am okay even when they have families of their own to take care of.

It truly takes a village, and I am deeply grateful for mine, for my community and the connections that I have. If this is you, just know that you mean the world to me, and I wouldn’t be where I am in life today if it weren’t for all of your unwavering love and support.

This entire moment was such a huge breakthrough and A-HA moment for me, a realization so grand that it’s palpable. I vow to continue to break free from the shackles of my life, to continue breaking the mold and being the cycle breaker that I am destined to be.

I am done chasing. My intention moving forward in this life is to “Trust, Flow, Surrender, Let Go.” (Lyrics from Trust Flow by Sahara Rose-Song and Lyrics are so catchy and contagious-Check it out!)

I trust that the desires that have been placed so strongly on my heart, will one day become my reality. I trust that God will answer my prayers, whatever is meant for me in this lifetime will someday, somehow, be mine.

The point of all of this is to say that we are NOTHING if we don’t have a sense of Self. This is why it’s so important to dedicate your life to the inner work. To dig deep, reach levels of depth and intimacy with yourself that you’ve never done before. Get real and honest with yourself and face your darkness head on, because let me tell you, the more you continue to bury your trauma + grief, it will come back up ten-fold and it’s not going to be pleasant.

This work will change your life. This is:

Your Homecoming.

Your Freedom.

Your Liberation.

Do you want to live your life in truth and authenticity or live in the shadows of your existence?

ALL YOU NEED IS ALREADY WITHIN YOU, LEAN IN AND LET GO.

I see You. I hear You. I feel You.

Sending love and always rooting for you beautiful humans.

Xo,

Sara J<3